Saturday, April 16, 2005
OK, after a disturbingly violent end to our last round, we move forward.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Tensions are high here in Vatican City. We're down to our last elimination of the round, with Samuel L facing off against Martha. Jesus has chosen the final contest to be the most exciting and disturbing of all. So disturbing, in fact, that we have moved to the dark basement of the Vatican for this one. Ladies and gentlemen, put the kids to bed and prepare for the most final of contests....Russian Roulette!! Two contestants, one gun, one bullet. Picking the winner in this one will be obvious.
We've flipped a coin and Samuel L, you're pulling the trigger first. Good luck.
Samuel L sits straight up, puts the gun to his head. He closes his eyes and pulls the trigger.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Mother T has selected Jacko and Oprah for the next elimination. The contest is a simple one, a simple staring contest. They will make eye contact, and the first to break eye contact loses. They must remain seated, other than that, there are no rules. They can do or say anything to break the other's concentration.
Oprah fights off a 'black woman head spin', then smiles an evil smile and....
3:40: "Michael, Macaulay and Webster are french kissing behind you. They're looking for you, Michael"
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
OK, folks. Rev. Jesse likes to keep his competition simple almost as much as he loves a big ol' ass. So in a biblical battle of bootay, its J-Lo vs. Homer. Biggest butt stays.
Well fans, Pope Idol has been rocked by scandal. In our last episode, The Fonz defeated Bono in one of the most dramatic Catholic Karate finishes ever. Apparently, violence is nothing new to The Fonz.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Tensions are high and the competition is heating up. The next competition was chosen by Jesus. Jesus, tell us what is in store.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Ladies and gentlemen, the dreams of one of our contestants ends tonight. No more biblical tests or vows of abstinence. Anyone can do that. Our producers want to test the physical, mental, and emotional skills for Pope Idol. Mother Teresa has selected a hot dog eating contest as the first match-up of our finals....Elton John vs. Madonna in an all out battle of weiner gobbling divas.
Teresa, was first gained fame by her chain of Calcutta Hot Dog stands before becoming a saint, thinks this mind over matter contest will truly test endurance and gag reflexes.
Sir EJ and Madonna sit side by side, each studying the plate of 100 hot dogs in front of them. The contestant who swallows the most weiners in a minute advances in the competition. The loser goes home.
The Bell rings as the clock ticks down from one minute. The crowd cheers for each contestant. Each has adopted a strategy. EJ squeezes his target's buns before swallowing, while Madonna prefers to take multiple weiners at a time.
The contest is now getting ugly. Buns and stray weiners a thrown askew as the final bell rings. Each contestant falls back into their chair in exhaustion.
Teresa observes as two choir boys count the remaining dogs. We have a winner........right after this.
EJ, you are..............(dramatic pause)
going home, I'm sorry. Madonna, you have advance in the competition. According to the final counts, you actually swallowed all of your dogs and 7 of EJ's. Congratulations.....verrrry impressive.
So folks, now we're down to nine. Who's the next to leave? Stay tuned and find out.
Disclaimer For The Stupid
This is ONLY a blog. If this had been actual news, it wouldn't be as funny and you'd be watching it on TV, where everything is true.
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