Thursday, January 27, 2005
When disposable shoes are invented, Shea will have been the inspiration. It doesn't matter where the shoes were last night, because at least one of them will be missing this morning. Such was the case this morning, and the drama ensued. Waking up to a household of kids in various stages of readiness is frantic enough, but when Shea's shoes are missing, the house hits drama level red.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Kiefer Sutherland is a wuss. Give the guy 24 hours and he can disable bombs, stop assassination attempts, save the country from terrorists....all without bathroom trips or meals. Impressive enough, but can he stop his girlfriend from hitting the snooze bar 17 times every morning? Can he survive 8 1/2 hours in a State office without killing someone? Can he shop and make a meal for two adults and five kids for $20 (including cigarettes....these kids have GOT to quit soon)? Can he do all of this, and still have enough time after baths, homework, and laundry to spend more than 3.1 seconds with the girlfriend (practicing her snooze bar karate chop as we speak)?
Sunday, January 23, 2005
She's normally SO cute....when conscious. THEN it happens. She crashes, she runs herself into exhaustion after hours of Polly Pockets and Disney Channel movies. Alcoholic marathon runners on Valium don't sleep this well. She has collapsed on the couch before the final necessary bathroom trip of the night. So I need to waking the sleeping beauty to prepare her for bed. It sounds so easy, much like occupying Vietnam or finding Osama Bin Laden. The chore may be a natural one for those parents lucky enough to have normal children in thier homes. But this girl is different. I believe in reincarnation, because I see this girl rise from the dead on a daily basis. Reviving her on this particular night happens as follows:
Disclaimer For The Stupid
This is ONLY a blog. If this had been actual news, it wouldn't be as funny and you'd be watching it on TV, where everything is true.
Other Slow Children
The BESTEST girlfriend EVER
i'll add more later