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Friday, May 13, 2005

My Network, MY 10 Rules....if you have any you'd like to add, feel free to add

1. No commercials for feminine hygiene products. Period(pun intended). There's too many products that already absorb that blue liquid that apparently comes from women (I must have missed that day in health class). I don't care how confident and spring fresh these products make you....I don't want to see them on my network.

2. No skinny people on weight loss commercials. I've seen enough of the 'after's....time for more 'before's. 'Before's are funnier.

3. No more drug commercials. As funny as four-hour erections and bowel slippages are as side effects, they're not funny enough to make me forget that I hate seeing women run through daisy fields for genital herpes pills and guys hiking in the woods for their toenail fungus medicine.

4. The news must start with sports. Its no secret as to why they save the fun stuff for the end of the news. Sports and the funny entertainment stories get squished at the end so we are forced to endure stories about kidnappings and Budget Crisis 2005.....not on SCAPTV News. Every third story must be in song. One hot nude meteoroligist per broadcast. Fake stories are encouraged.

5. Music videos for one hour. No commercials. No hosts. Nothing. Just one solid hour of music videos.

6. Optional male or female crawls on the channel at all times. Men can check out the scores, women can check out who Brad Pitt is dating this week.

7. Completely Sexist Shows. Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays: Female Dorm Cam.... Tuesday, Thursday, Saturdays: Construction Worker Cam (see ladies, I got yo back!!).

8. No talk shows. If I wanted to hear rambling, I'd call my ex-wife and ask her how her day is going.

9. Public Service Announcements must actually be helpful. How to sabotage co-workers' promotional opportunities, how to use porn lines as practical joke props, how to sneak into movie theaters.

10. Game shows are ok, but only if negative results include physical harm and/or death. Lets see those fuckers bid on their showcase if the loser gets dropped into a pit of hungry crocodiles (be sure to have your crocs spayed or neutered...hey, my first PSA).

posted by Shaun at 11:35 PM
link |


Blogger Random and Odd commented at 2:15 AM~  

Hmmmm. HBO or SCAPtv?

I don't think we can afford both.

The men, if nude...better look HOT.

that is all.

Blogger dashababy commented at 7:58 AM~  

sounds like MUST SEE TV.
I saw a guy, I think he was homeless, in front of the post office, sitting there on a bench in nothing but a black speedo (i think it was a speedo), getting a suntan. I had to look twice to see if it was a bald woman cuz his boobies had some major saggin goin on. I hadnt seen that before, usually they are layered in clothes even when its 110 degrees. weird. He did have a nice tan goin on.

Blogger Tina commented at 1:46 PM~  

I beleive in equality so if the women are necked so are the men. I do not want to see her bush I want to see his.
And The only bush I want is on the body, I do not want to see W Bush at all.
I would get a second job to pay for this channel.

Blogger Tina commented at 9:40 PM~  

you need a reality show. How about the bachleret whith a real woman not a modle or a modle look alike, how about a single mom, that is a little round wiht dark hair.
Hey I know, i could be your first bachleret but please no homeless guys.

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