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Monday, March 07, 2005

, originally uploaded by slowchildrenatplay.

Welcome back!! This season of Flea Market Idol has led to this....the final thirteen contestants. Among this group is this year's Flea Market Idol, who will win over $100 in tools, used cassettes, and gold teeth caps.

Phone lines open at the end of this post, and remember to vote for your favorite flea marketing crooner. Before the lines open, lets recap the final thirteen contestants......

#1- Effie Underwood (Eff-U to her fans). This gangsta rapping GILF won over the country with her stirring rendition of NWA's "Fuck The Police". Her trademark forward lean has become all the rage in inner-city dance clubs.

#2-LaRonda Anderson. The sultry soul sista is the vanilla voice in a Shirley Hemphill package. Bandanas and ponytails never looked so good.

#3-Coo Chi Koo. The 'Yoda' of the competition, Koo's chants are truly unique. His buddhist chant version of "Who Let The Dogs Out" has carried him to the final thirteen.

#4- Billy "No Profile" Chan drives the snack bar honeys wild when this mega-chinned singer belts out his favorite Country songs from the early 80's.

#5- Hector D and his trademark 'condom cap' always gets the crowd in the mood. Feel like lovin on a faux fur rug(aisle 7) under some really shiny brass floor lamps(aisle 12, behind the ceramic giraffes), the soothing sound of Hector will do the trick.

#6-Stretch Potter. The tallest contestant in the group at 7'7", Stretch was discovered singing while hanging the protective tarp over the duct tape booth in an Arizona flea market.

#7-Francis. This peaceful hippie got his start in showbiz as Pee-wee's arch enemy in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. Talented? I know you are, but what am I ?? Infinity.

#8- (unknown) This jungle-fevered brother is buying a fucking sword. He wanted into the competetion and we were afraid to say no to the Motown Musketeer.

#9-Adwa-Ah-Ahli-Zawaar-Jabeer-The oldest contestant at 112, Jabeer was actually voted out three weeks ago, but we haven't found a translator to inform her. She mostly just walks around anyway.

#10-Shelli "Marlboro Red" McKay- This sexy diva takes lounge singing into the 21st century. Crank and cigarettes sales always skyrocket when Shelli (with an 'i' for the younger crowd) takes the stage/auction stand.

#11- Juan. The underdog of the final thirteen, Juan only performs inside his 1987 Toyota van. When that side door slides open and the golden tones (and Tecate bottles) roll out, you'd think you were in Heaven's Swap Meet.

#12-Cassie Mays- The young hottie of the final thirteen, Mays actually stirred up the conversation around the incense booth when she admitted to having once applied for a junior college class. After an emergency producers session, it was determined she could continue until her MediCal kicks in or her final trimester, whichever comes first.

#13-Emma Jean- This former carnie made state fair folklore years ago when she stopped an out of control Tilt-A-Whirl with nothing but her smoking left foot. She slowed the ride to a grinding halt, saving the lunch of literally dozens. Now she has parlayed her fame into a successful singing career. "The singing port-a-pottie changer" can be heard belting out hits from the Big Band era to today's smoothest jams.

Phone Lines are now open. If you're out of change, the Spanish speaking fruit juice-bar guy with his cart will be by shortly.

Shaun ouuuuuutttttttt!!!!!!!

posted by Shaun at 10:46 PM
link |


Blogger Random and Odd commented at 12:17 AM~  


How many times can I vote???

Anonymous kalki commented at 6:13 AM~  

This is hysterical!! And I must say you make a fine Ryan Seacrest...

Blogger Mrs.Strizzay commented at 6:21 AM~  

I just want all the fat people..to errr. win. But really, the black guy with that fat white chick with the super size arm bulges and no neck takes the cake. But then there is the marlboro chock (who is really a man BABY)

OH I can't decide.

Blogger Pissy Britches commented at 6:28 AM~  

You are freakin crazy Shaun. Out of your motherf*cking mind!
Too damn funny.
Can you please replace Ryan Secrest?

Blogger Susie commented at 8:23 AM~  

Excellent entertainment. I cast my vote for Eff-U. I love to do the Forward Lean.

Blogger Sissychong commented at 12:01 PM~  

Oh my fucking god you are hilarious...wheres number 14 with the toe socks?

Blogger snaps79 commented at 3:50 PM~  

I'm all about Contestant 14, with her big shoe and all. That Seacrest hair on your head is frightening!

Blogger Blog ho commented at 6:22 PM~  

I really like the looks of 4, but I need a full frontal, but I like the vaginal prospects of 13.

Blogger bullish1974 commented at 10:22 PM~  

I'm all for Stretch Potter.

Blogger augieboy commented at 8:16 PM~  

you forgot the guy with the mullett and the mid-riff ac/dc t-shirt that thinks it's still 1980something. oh, whoops that's just me. nevermind.

you should be writing a tv sitcom, shaun. too F'n funny.

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