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Sunday, January 23, 2005

Waking The Dead


sheas out, originally uploaded by slowchildrenatplay.

She's normally SO cute....when conscious. THEN it happens. She crashes, she runs herself into exhaustion after hours of Polly Pockets and Disney Channel movies. Alcoholic marathon runners on Valium don't sleep this well. She has collapsed on the couch before the final necessary bathroom trip of the night. So I need to waking the sleeping beauty to prepare her for bed. It sounds so easy, much like occupying Vietnam or finding Osama Bin Laden. The chore may be a natural one for those parents lucky enough to have normal children in thier homes. But this girl is different. I believe in reincarnation, because I see this girl rise from the dead on a daily basis. Reviving her on this particular night happens as follows:

1. "Honey, you need to wake up, go potty, and go to bed"

2. Repeat #1, with a gentle nudge.

3. Repeat #2, with a second, more forceful nudge.

4. Repeat #3, louder and slightly more violent.

5. "YOU NEED TO WAKE UP, GO POTTY, AND GO TO BED...HONEY" (the 'honey' at the end was meant to take the meanness out of the all caps statement).

6. Physically sit the child up, and repeat various rantings of #1-5.

7. Physically standing the dead girl up and desperately and incoherently alternating between begging, coaxing, and punishing remarks.

8. The thoughts of clothespins, wire hangers, and ice water all are considered and ultimately dismissed before simply carrying the child to the bathroom.

9. SUCCESS...one of her eyes has opened approximately 33%, but I am apparently speaking a foreign language that cannot be understood by the dead.

10. The girl agrees to use the bathroom and go to bed, or at least thats what I'm hoping I was able to decipher from the mumbling.

11. The bathroom door has been closed for a few minutes,so I'm sure she's asleep on the toilet or on the floor, but the room is empty. Thank God.

12. She's on the couch. I give up. Rest in peace, little one. I'll just wash the sheets in the morning.

posted by Shaun at 2:30 PM
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