<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d10268662\x26blogName\x3dSlow+Children+At+Play\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://slowchildrenatplay.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://slowchildrenatplay.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-7052234825352739200', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Sunday, January 30, 2005

How Much Do You Love Me?


, originally uploaded by slowchildrenatplay.

This damn question was created in a secret women's convention somewhere deep in the Alps circa 1945 in an effort to fluster Earth's male population.

I get the question from Kristine probably two or three times a month. I usually respond with a random number ("I'd say about a 72") or with my toddler answer ("Thisssssss much", with my arms extended). Then I get the empty feeling of having answered the math teacher's question by getting it from the back of the book. It may be technically accurate, but I have no data to support it and certainly no ability to elaborate.

With the frequency of the question increasing, I've decided that a unit of measurement is far overdue for love. If you can measure the quality of a movie or restaurant with stars, and if the college football championship can be determined by a computer that will never be able to tailgate, then surely love can be quantified.

After a few phone calls to scientists, mathemeticians, and male escorts(luckily Kristine had these on speed-dial, she must have known I was doing research), I have created a formula to accurately measure a man's love for a woman. Men around the world will thank me as we answer your question with pride and confidence!!

The formula is confidential (men, e-mail me with the name of the 1967 NL Rookie of the Year for the formula), but let me be the first to clearly and precisely answer the question:

Kristine, I love you 87.678 sph (smiles per hour)*


*Pacific Standard Time, Unleaded gasoline price of $1.77 per gallon, and 600-thread count sheets were all used for this figure

posted by Shaun at 3:55 PM
link |

1 Comments:

Blogger Tina commented at 6:49 PM~  

And the brother of the woman that created the question invented FRIENDS WITH BENIFITS. I hate that guy, as much as men hate her.

Want to Post a Comment?

back to main page



Disclaimer For The Stupid

This is ONLY a blog. If this had been actual news, it wouldn't be as funny and you'd be watching it on TV, where everything is true.


Me

toobig


Archives

2005-01-16
2005-01-23
2005-01-30
2005-02-06
2005-02-13
2005-02-20
2005-02-27
2005-03-06
2005-03-13
2005-03-20
2005-03-27
2005-04-03
2005-04-10
2005-04-17
2005-04-24
2005-05-01
2005-05-08
2005-05-15
2005-05-22
2005-06-05
2005-09-18


Other Slow Children

The BESTEST girlfriend EVER
The Fonz
DashaBaby
Cat

i'll add more later






Designed by mela | Image from stock.xchng
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com