i'm not blogging right now...

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Random and Odd

OK, for the first post back, I decided to ease myself back slowly so I wouldn't pull a creative muscle (not with the kids in the house anyway). A few weeks back, I went to an Oakland A's-New York Yankees game. The beauty of travelling to glorious Oakland CA is really quite something.



There's A's fans, there's Yankee fans....but mostly a lot of beer fans.



The people of Oakland, my birthplace(historical birthplace plaque pending), are often expressive. This upstanding young gentleman decided he was so excited by the sporting even that he's dance on top of his buddy's car for the viewing pleasure of the parking lot traffic.



BART, or Bay Area Rapid Transit, has a station outside the stadium for those looking to exit quickly and without the headaches of congestion. Those people are still there. This isn't even a photo, its a real-time video.



The bird gangs in Oakland are scary. Following the game, SWARMS of these flying rats attack everything even remotely resembling food orfood packaging. I REALLY shouldn't have worn my In N Out Burger cologne. These animals will NEVER become extinct. Ever.

I'm going through a mini-blog slump currently. The organization is sending me down to the minors to work on funny remarks and doctored photos. I'll be guest starring on Krisitine's blog in the meantime.

So I pulled the boy out of school and we went to see Star Wars. Don't know if that makes me a good dad or a bad dad, but we had fun. My dad used to pull me out of school when the original Star Wars movies came out, and I thought it was the coolest thing.

The movie's very good, by the way. If you don't like or haven't seen the others, don't bother....you'll be lost. Also not for smaller kids, this one is very dark, pretty violent.

I'm suffering from blogger's block, so just posting a self-portrait w/guest pic of me and my daughter. Any excuse to post a pic of me in a pink feather boa. I'm such a whore.

I KNEW it!!!! Nobody gets massages that often!!

My Network, MY 10 Rules....if you have any you'd like to add, feel free to add

1. No commercials for feminine hygiene products. Period(pun intended). There's too many products that already absorb that blue liquid that apparently comes from women (I must have missed that day in health class). I don't care how confident and spring fresh these products make you....I don't want to see them on my network.

2. No skinny people on weight loss commercials. I've seen enough of the 'after's....time for more 'before's. 'Before's are funnier.

3. No more drug commercials. As funny as four-hour erections and bowel slippages are as side effects, they're not funny enough to make me forget that I hate seeing women run through daisy fields for genital herpes pills and guys hiking in the woods for their toenail fungus medicine.

4. The news must start with sports. Its no secret as to why they save the fun stuff for the end of the news. Sports and the funny entertainment stories get squished at the end so we are forced to endure stories about kidnappings and Budget Crisis 2005.....not on SCAPTV News. Every third story must be in song. One hot nude meteoroligist per broadcast. Fake stories are encouraged.

5. Music videos for one hour. No commercials. No hosts. Nothing. Just one solid hour of music videos.

6. Optional male or female crawls on the channel at all times. Men can check out the scores, women can check out who Brad Pitt is dating this week.

7. Completely Sexist Shows. Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays: Female Dorm Cam.... Tuesday, Thursday, Saturdays: Construction Worker Cam (see ladies, I got yo back!!).

8. No talk shows. If I wanted to hear rambling, I'd call my ex-wife and ask her how her day is going.

9. Public Service Announcements must actually be helpful. How to sabotage co-workers' promotional opportunities, how to use porn lines as practical joke props, how to sneak into movie theaters.

10. Game shows are ok, but only if negative results include physical harm and/or death. Lets see those fuckers bid on their showcase if the loser gets dropped into a pit of hungry crocodiles (be sure to have your crocs spayed or neutered...hey, my first PSA).